Friday Forward - Pomp & Circumstances (#535)
Share your perspective and values with your children. They follow it eventually
This week’s Friday Forward is a first: a post from a guest author. My daughter, Chloe, is graduating college, and when she asked to contribute a guest post reflecting back on her college experience, it seemed like as good a reason as any to make an exception. I did not read what she wrote in advance, so I will be reading her words below at the same time as you are.
For the past few years, I’ve had the pleasure of receiving and reading weekly Friday Forwards. Since long before Friday Forward even existed, I have also had the privilege of being Robert Glazer’s daughter.
A week ago, I made the bold decision to request a guest-authorship for a Friday Forward (assuming I’d likely be rejected). Instead, Dad said yes. Maybe it was a graduation gift, or maybe he just wanted to take the week off.
Those of you who read the Friday Forwards and engage with my dad’s writing hopefully understand this much by #535: he is kind, values-driven, thoughtful, and intentional. Now, as a senior with just a few days left before I enter the real world, I find myself in deep nostalgia, reflecting on what I learned from him.
My college experience started teary-eyed as I hugged my parents goodbye in Eagle Hall in August 2022. I opened my desk drawer in my new dorm far from home to find an offering from my dad, which turned my tears into sobs. One letter, a direct note to me, and another titled “12 Lessons for A Great Life,” which my brother also received when he arrived at college. While I won’t bore you with all his wise life lessons, I will affirm that his guiding principles, like being accountable, happy, and kind, shaped my four years at Emory.
In my happiness class this semester, we were prompted to write a letter to our future selves a few days ago, which will be mailed to us a year from now. This is a portion of what I wrote:
While far from perfect, you have grown a lot in the past four years, or as I term it, your frontal lobe has developed. College brought a lot of fun and also a lot of change to your way of life. You really began to prioritize yourself and your well-being. You found friends willing to engage in deep and meaningful dialogue. You learned to cook and prioritize healthier eating. You learned the importance of doing tasks now and not later. You came to realize the importance (and excitement) of a healthier lifestyle through yoga, walks, and training for a 15k. You found solace in journaling and reflective exercises. You found joy in actively separating yourself from your phone at night and at social gatherings. And most importantly, you became a happier person.
I think my reflections emphasize my commitment to honoring our Glazer family life lessons. For so long, I listened and watched, and watched and listened to my parents, but my actions did not reflect these learnings. I wonder if my parents considered turning their efforts more to my brothers.
But the truth is, teaching the importance of principles like values, goal-setting, and purpose is always worth it, even if your kids cannot fully internalize them in the moment. Instead, it gives them a toolkit to help them succeed when they are ready to take the leap.
As an example, I am a self-aware procrastinator with a disorganized to-do list, so I struggle to hold myself accountable for completing tasks. On a run this summer, my dad and I discussed the prospect of running a turkey trot together Thanksgiving weekend, but the registration hadn’t opened yet. My intuition was to do nothing in the moment when he asked me to register us and hopefully remember sometime in October, assuming there were still spots available.
In contrast, my dad immediately asked Siri to set a reminder for the date registration opened. Seeing him act on one of his life lessons (be accountable and do it now, not later) underscored his genuine commitment to them. And for the first time, I started actively working to do the same.
While I try to think of novel pieces of gratitude every day for my 5-minute journal, a gift from my dad, my parents undoubtedly deserve a spot on that list every day. I am grateful to be the product of two intentional individuals who encouraged a thoughtful, meaningful perspective on life.
All this to say: share your perspective and values with your children. Give them the scaffolding to enter independence with confidence. I am proud of the person who will walk across the stage this weekend at college graduation, because of my family’s values.
Next week, back to your regularly scheduled Robert Glazer programming.
Quote of the Week
“Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” – Robert Fulghum
Have a great weekend!
-Chloe Glazer
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Best one yet!
I am so grateful to have fallen into Chloe’s orbit within my first week at Emory. Such a pleasure to read her perspective after experiencing the past 3 years by her side - no doubt I have grown as a person because of her!!