Terrific commentary, Robert on importance of teaching and learning resilience. A couple of related recent pieces on value of practicing resilience in business which you or others might connect:
I really enjoy the way Robert is so clear about his values, and I admire his values and even share some of them, especially the importance of resilience. What I sometimes worry about for myself, and for Robert, is that our own values might get in the way of our understanding the full context within which other people make decisions, and how their chosen and deeply held values (like care) might lead them to slightly different but still perfectly reasonable decisions. Just a cursory investigation led me to discover that the school's focus is the study and practice of ethics in order to take better care of ourselves, each other, and our world. Taking a day or two to process a setback, to integrate new and possibly perspective changing information about our country, might be what resilience looks like to a community that foregrounds care for each other. Who knows, though? I don't have care for myself and others as one of my central, foundational values in the way this more than century-old community does. Perhaps they've found a better way to be resilient than I have on my own? It's something to at least think about. Do I give myself enough silence, enough space from work and obligations, to truly be resilient in the face of my losses, like the death of my father, or the loss of my beloved friend? I honestly don't know, but I love that there are other people testing out how to live for themselves the best way they know how, and how to be strong enough to change the world for the better.
Eric, thank you for sharing such thoughtful and nuanced insight. I love how you articulate the balance between values like resilience and care, and how different communities might integrate them in practice.
It’s true that resilience can look different depending on the culture and values that drive a group or individual. Taking time to process, reflect, and even grieve setbacks is indeed a form of resilience in its own right. However, it's also important to differentiate between election results and the profound loss that comes with the death of a loved one.
I would agree! And I also think so much of the anger and rage of our political moment is actually an expression of the deep grief people feel, on both sides of the political divide (and all the folks in the places between), over their loss of some prior understanding of who we all are as Americans and what we stand for as a nation. An election is just an election, that's true, but it's also a powerful signifier in a Democracy as to who we are. A loss of identity, of course, is not the same as the loss of a loved one. It happens to be one of the most powerful instigators of growth, but it also can really sting for a long while.
Robert, I usually love everything you write and hang on your every word. You've missed the mark here. As a parent of two children, 16 and 20, who identify firmly with the LBGTQ+ community, this isn't disappointment regarding the final results of the election--this is complete fear and devastation. Project 2025, which has not been denounced by President Elect Trump, is a scary roadmap for this country that could lay to waste the freedom and liberties people have expected in America. For those suggesting we all need to push through disappointment and deal with the reality in front of us, how nice it must be to not live in fear that the storm could come for you. As much as I agree that we all need to accept the reality put before us, talk it out, see what the truth will really be, if a school gives some grace in the form of a day to decompress because their emotions are running extremely high, good for them. There is plenty of time to get back to the classroom learning and make this a part of the conversation. However, when you feel like your whole world could implode, how effective can you be at school or work? This isn't a situation where the football team lost the homecoming game. There are real consequences in the balance pertaining to rights and freedoms. I will also add that none of us have any idea of the long-term impact of Covid in terms of loss of academic learning, resilience, social learning and more. My kids were in 7 grade and 10 grade in March of 2020 and it's been devastating. There are "adulting" skills they missed out on by not being physically in a school environment and that is part of what's currently playing out with younger people today. This is not coddling, this is trying to catch up to what this generation is experiencing.
Thank you for your heartfelt and honest response. I deeply appreciate your vulnerability in sharing the fears and concerns you carry as a parent in today’s complex landscape. I realize that in discussing resilience and the importance of moving forward after difficult moments, your words remind me of the very real, human side of these conversations that can easily be lost when talking about resilience and bouncing back.
I agree wholeheartedly that fear—especially when it’s connected to your children or community—is not something that can be dismissed. However, there are many different approaches to addressing that fear, and as numerous psychological experts suggest, some methods are simply more effective than others. If people need a day to step back and process, I fully support them taking it. What I don’t think is helpful is giving everyone an automatic pass in advance to avoid discomfort. Facing fear, with proper support and understanding, can build strength and a collective sense of resilience.
Last night in Amsterdam, there was a Holocaust-style program, something I have only seen in history books. It evokes all of the same feelings. But I don't think it's a reason for me to skip work or my kids to skip school today. Instead, these moments should galvanize us to engage more, stand firmly in our commitments, and model resilience.
Your reminder about the lasting impacts of COVID and the challenges faced by today’s youth underscores the importance of creating environments where they can process their experiences and learn to navigate an increasingly unpredictable world through active engagement. Thank you for your thoughtful perspective—it has deepened this conversation in ways that matter.
Robert. Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful response. I'm looking forward to additional dialogue on this topic, and on all future topics you share.
Victoria, so many reasons. But I think the biggest one is that parents are projecting their own anxiety about this stuff onto their kids. Additionally, the constant stream of alarming news and discussions on social media makes it difficult for kids to tune out, even if they want to. Plus, schools are now including more conversations about current events and societal issues, which, while educational, can heighten kids' sense of responsibility and stress over these topics.
It should be an opening for dialog through, not retreat.
Excellent article and exactly what the generation of parents need to be modeling for these young adults.. Perseverance is learned through facing disappointment, which is inevitable for all of us. Thanks for the wisdom and willingness to put this out!
If teachers in any school wanted to use election results to hold an open discussion and actually teach civics, that would be a much better use of students’ time than a day off. I can see teenagers especially laughing at this whole concept of a day off because they are “upset” about a result. You can’t bubble wrap young people. Reality will set in soon enough.
While resilience is indeed a valuable quality, the post overlooks some key considerations. First, it assumes that allowing students temporary reprieve from stress equates to fostering helplessness, yet there’s no evidence provided here to support this assumption. Mental health support, especially in highly stressful times, has been shown to be beneficial rather than detrimental. Additionally, the post generalizes the students’ backgrounds to imply they are overly privileged and need no support, which might be an unfair assessment of individual needs. Instead of viewing emotional support as 'coddling,' perhaps we should consider a balanced approach that encourages resilience without dismissing the mental health needs of younger generations.
You can support people without giving them a pre-built excuse to just quit or withdrawl. I also think the data show pretty clearly that these practices are creating much worse outcomes in terms of depression and anxeity. Here are a few.
Martin Seligman’s Learned Helplessness Theory (1970s): Demonstrated that repeated exposure to uncontrollable negative situations leads to a pervasive sense of helplessness, which is strongly associated with depression and anxiety.
Study on Overprotective Parenting (Developmental Psychology): Found that helicopter parenting correlates with higher levels of anxiety and depression in college students by preventing them from developing coping skills and autonomy.
Study in the Journal of Adolescence: Demonstrated that adolescents lacking opportunities to build coping mechanisms were more prone to anxiety and depressive disorders, reinforcing the negative impact of coddling.
Self-Determination Theory (Edward Deci and Richard Ryan): Highlights that environments undermining autonomy and competence can result in poorer mental health outcomes. Excessive protection from failure reinforces a lack of perceived competence, contributing to anxiety and depression.
CDC and Longitudinal Data on Mental Health Trends: Shows a rise in anxiety and depression rates among younger generations, attributed partly to modern parenting styles and educational approaches that emphasize protection over exposure to challenges.
Societal Shifts and Psychological Effects: Research indicates that practices like trigger warnings and safe spaces, meant to protect mental health, may reinforce avoidance behaviors, reducing resilience and increasing susceptibility to anxiety and depression.
Best outcome of this week - your essay.
Thank you Margaret
Terrific commentary, Robert on importance of teaching and learning resilience. A couple of related recent pieces on value of practicing resilience in business which you or others might connect:
1) Adam Grant's view: https://images.app.goo.gl/6A3nNPcSDF7JYWXbA
2) McKinsey / How to embrace CEO role: Interview with Daniel Vasella
https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/how-to-embrace-the-ceo-role-an-interview-with-daniel-vasella?cid=eml-web
Amen brother. Well said.
Thank you for sharing. Wish I could share and make others understand this message. Life goes on, political parties will not come to save us.
I really enjoy the way Robert is so clear about his values, and I admire his values and even share some of them, especially the importance of resilience. What I sometimes worry about for myself, and for Robert, is that our own values might get in the way of our understanding the full context within which other people make decisions, and how their chosen and deeply held values (like care) might lead them to slightly different but still perfectly reasonable decisions. Just a cursory investigation led me to discover that the school's focus is the study and practice of ethics in order to take better care of ourselves, each other, and our world. Taking a day or two to process a setback, to integrate new and possibly perspective changing information about our country, might be what resilience looks like to a community that foregrounds care for each other. Who knows, though? I don't have care for myself and others as one of my central, foundational values in the way this more than century-old community does. Perhaps they've found a better way to be resilient than I have on my own? It's something to at least think about. Do I give myself enough silence, enough space from work and obligations, to truly be resilient in the face of my losses, like the death of my father, or the loss of my beloved friend? I honestly don't know, but I love that there are other people testing out how to live for themselves the best way they know how, and how to be strong enough to change the world for the better.
Eric, thank you for sharing such thoughtful and nuanced insight. I love how you articulate the balance between values like resilience and care, and how different communities might integrate them in practice.
It’s true that resilience can look different depending on the culture and values that drive a group or individual. Taking time to process, reflect, and even grieve setbacks is indeed a form of resilience in its own right. However, it's also important to differentiate between election results and the profound loss that comes with the death of a loved one.
They are not the same.
I would agree! And I also think so much of the anger and rage of our political moment is actually an expression of the deep grief people feel, on both sides of the political divide (and all the folks in the places between), over their loss of some prior understanding of who we all are as Americans and what we stand for as a nation. An election is just an election, that's true, but it's also a powerful signifier in a Democracy as to who we are. A loss of identity, of course, is not the same as the loss of a loved one. It happens to be one of the most powerful instigators of growth, but it also can really sting for a long while.
You can and please do!
Robert, I usually love everything you write and hang on your every word. You've missed the mark here. As a parent of two children, 16 and 20, who identify firmly with the LBGTQ+ community, this isn't disappointment regarding the final results of the election--this is complete fear and devastation. Project 2025, which has not been denounced by President Elect Trump, is a scary roadmap for this country that could lay to waste the freedom and liberties people have expected in America. For those suggesting we all need to push through disappointment and deal with the reality in front of us, how nice it must be to not live in fear that the storm could come for you. As much as I agree that we all need to accept the reality put before us, talk it out, see what the truth will really be, if a school gives some grace in the form of a day to decompress because their emotions are running extremely high, good for them. There is plenty of time to get back to the classroom learning and make this a part of the conversation. However, when you feel like your whole world could implode, how effective can you be at school or work? This isn't a situation where the football team lost the homecoming game. There are real consequences in the balance pertaining to rights and freedoms. I will also add that none of us have any idea of the long-term impact of Covid in terms of loss of academic learning, resilience, social learning and more. My kids were in 7 grade and 10 grade in March of 2020 and it's been devastating. There are "adulting" skills they missed out on by not being physically in a school environment and that is part of what's currently playing out with younger people today. This is not coddling, this is trying to catch up to what this generation is experiencing.
Rich,
Thank you for your heartfelt and honest response. I deeply appreciate your vulnerability in sharing the fears and concerns you carry as a parent in today’s complex landscape. I realize that in discussing resilience and the importance of moving forward after difficult moments, your words remind me of the very real, human side of these conversations that can easily be lost when talking about resilience and bouncing back.
I agree wholeheartedly that fear—especially when it’s connected to your children or community—is not something that can be dismissed. However, there are many different approaches to addressing that fear, and as numerous psychological experts suggest, some methods are simply more effective than others. If people need a day to step back and process, I fully support them taking it. What I don’t think is helpful is giving everyone an automatic pass in advance to avoid discomfort. Facing fear, with proper support and understanding, can build strength and a collective sense of resilience.
Last night in Amsterdam, there was a Holocaust-style program, something I have only seen in history books. It evokes all of the same feelings. But I don't think it's a reason for me to skip work or my kids to skip school today. Instead, these moments should galvanize us to engage more, stand firmly in our commitments, and model resilience.
Your reminder about the lasting impacts of COVID and the challenges faced by today’s youth underscores the importance of creating environments where they can process their experiences and learn to navigate an increasingly unpredictable world through active engagement. Thank you for your thoughtful perspective—it has deepened this conversation in ways that matter.
Robert. Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful response. I'm looking forward to additional dialogue on this topic, and on all future topics you share.
Interesting article. When I was in K-12 grade, I was not worrying about elections. I wonder if and why things are different for kids now?
Victoria, so many reasons. But I think the biggest one is that parents are projecting their own anxiety about this stuff onto their kids. Additionally, the constant stream of alarming news and discussions on social media makes it difficult for kids to tune out, even if they want to. Plus, schools are now including more conversations about current events and societal issues, which, while educational, can heighten kids' sense of responsibility and stress over these topics.
It should be an opening for dialog through, not retreat.
Excellent article and exactly what the generation of parents need to be modeling for these young adults.. Perseverance is learned through facing disappointment, which is inevitable for all of us. Thanks for the wisdom and willingness to put this out!
Agree with every word! Thanks for sharing, Robert!
If teachers in any school wanted to use election results to hold an open discussion and actually teach civics, that would be a much better use of students’ time than a day off. I can see teenagers especially laughing at this whole concept of a day off because they are “upset” about a result. You can’t bubble wrap young people. Reality will set in soon enough.
While resilience is indeed a valuable quality, the post overlooks some key considerations. First, it assumes that allowing students temporary reprieve from stress equates to fostering helplessness, yet there’s no evidence provided here to support this assumption. Mental health support, especially in highly stressful times, has been shown to be beneficial rather than detrimental. Additionally, the post generalizes the students’ backgrounds to imply they are overly privileged and need no support, which might be an unfair assessment of individual needs. Instead of viewing emotional support as 'coddling,' perhaps we should consider a balanced approach that encourages resilience without dismissing the mental health needs of younger generations.
You can support people without giving them a pre-built excuse to just quit or withdrawl. I also think the data show pretty clearly that these practices are creating much worse outcomes in terms of depression and anxeity. Here are a few.
Martin Seligman’s Learned Helplessness Theory (1970s): Demonstrated that repeated exposure to uncontrollable negative situations leads to a pervasive sense of helplessness, which is strongly associated with depression and anxiety.
Study on Overprotective Parenting (Developmental Psychology): Found that helicopter parenting correlates with higher levels of anxiety and depression in college students by preventing them from developing coping skills and autonomy.
Study in the Journal of Adolescence: Demonstrated that adolescents lacking opportunities to build coping mechanisms were more prone to anxiety and depressive disorders, reinforcing the negative impact of coddling.
Self-Determination Theory (Edward Deci and Richard Ryan): Highlights that environments undermining autonomy and competence can result in poorer mental health outcomes. Excessive protection from failure reinforces a lack of perceived competence, contributing to anxiety and depression.
CDC and Longitudinal Data on Mental Health Trends: Shows a rise in anxiety and depression rates among younger generations, attributed partly to modern parenting styles and educational approaches that emphasize protection over exposure to challenges.
Societal Shifts and Psychological Effects: Research indicates that practices like trigger warnings and safe spaces, meant to protect mental health, may reinforce avoidance behaviors, reducing resilience and increasing susceptibility to anxiety and depression.