Friday Forward - Confidently Vulnerable (#462)
Vulnerability is vital in leadership, but it isn't enough on its own.
Today, vulnerability is considered a key facet of leadership. But while it’s true that the ability to acknowledge mistakes, share challenges, or admit uncertainty is often seen as a strength in leadership, vulnerability alone isn’t enough. Really, what people want and need from their leaders is a combination of vulnerability and confidence.
This was a key insight Jacob Morgan, leadership expert and author of Leading With Vulnerability, shared in our recent conversation on The Elevate Podcast. He emphasized that leaders who admit mistakes only really earn respect when they also effectively articulate what they’ve learned and will do in response to the failure.
During our interview, Jacob introduced me to the Pratfall Effect, a psychological concept developed by social psychologist Elliot Aronson in the 1960s. The Pratfall Effect states that people find competent individuals more likable when they reveal a flaw or make a mistake. However, there’s a key distinction: the Pratfall Effect only applies when it involves a person who is considered capable and competent. We might excuse an accomplished leader’s error, but we likely would not do the same for someone who hasn’t earned our confidence yet.
This is why vulnerability alone simply doesn’t get the job done. If a leader has not established their capabilities or inspired confidence, vulnerability might just reinforce perceptions of mediocrity. In leadership, striking the balance between competence and vulnerability makes all the difference.
For example, consider two approaches a leader could take when addressing their team after a mistake:
Leader A: “I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. I don’t know how it happened and to be honest, I’m not sure what to do next.”
Leader B: “I made a mistake. Here’s what I’ve learned, and here’s what I’m doing to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”
Who would you want to follow or have more faith in?
Both leaders demonstrated vulnerability, but Leader A would likely make people more worried about what comes next, Leader B is demonstrating control, accountability, and forward momentum. These are qualities people expect from their leaders, especially during uncertain or difficult times.
In times of crisis, employees look to their leaders for calm, stability and reassurance, not just vulnerability. This is a hallmark of the Stockdale Paradox, which is considered the gold standard for crisis management. When leaders appear unsettled or overwhelmed, it creates a ripple effect of uncertainty throughout the organization.
Vulnerability without purpose may come across as oversharing or a loss of control, which can erode trust, rather than build it. This is why vulnerability needs to be paired with confident intention. In moments of vulnerability, it’s important for leaders to ask themselves: Why am I sharing this? What outcome do I want?
Employees want to see their leaders as human and fallible, but they also need to know the person in charge is steady, competent and capable. The best leaders navigate this paradox by balancing any acknowledgement of flaws with a demonstration of their ability to manage challenges and propose solutions.
The lessons of the Pratfall Effect extend beyond the workplace. In any leadership role—whether as a parent, coach, or community member—this balance between vulnerability and competence is essential. Children, for example, benefit from parents who can acknowledge their own mistakes while modeling problem-solving and demonstrating resilience. Most people, especially children, sense when we are anxious and often mimic our behavior, so it’s often important to demonstrate confidence, even when we have internal doubts.
Ultimately, people want to follow leaders who are vulnerable, but only if they also make them feel secure. Effective leadership requires the ability to project calm, take responsibility, and outline a way forward—even in the face of uncertainty or doubt.
Jacob summarized it well in our discussion: “Vulnerability is about exposing a gap, but leadership is about showing how you’re closing it.” Leaders who can master this juggling act inspire not just trust, but confidence.
I recommend listening to my full conversation with Jacob on the Elevate Podcast.
Quote of The Week
"Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.” - Simon Sinek
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Excellent post and a great insight. I like pairing confidence with vulnerability. I touch on this in my book, Large and In Charge No More--A Journey to Vulnerable Leadership, but not quite so succinctly. Well done!
Valuable information, indeed