We have a responsibility to stop tech dependence in our children, in general but especially at meal times. Neglecting to this do is a clear leadership failure.
When I first saw this in an airport, a few years ago, I almost went up to the father and said--get off your phone and tell your son to do the same. All that time together and they weren't even interacting. In the blink of an eye, your son will be out of the house and have little time for you. Plus...Small children glued to screens--ouch. The worst kind of parenting I can imagine.
Everyone including the author Robert should be careful to judge. As a parent of a child with Autism the only way my wife and I can go out to dinner with him is to allow the iPad and headphones. It’s our time together out at a family friendly restaurant. The judgmental looks from people like the author and other people without asking why is what hurts the most. So maybe next time instead of assuming perhaps be more understanding. You never know what someone else is going through. Which being a faithful reader of this author I believe he has wrote about also.
Thank you for mentioning this, Greg, as I actually intended to include a line about it in the post. Over the years, I’ve heard from parents whose children face neurodiversity challenges, and I recognize how helpful these tools can be in those situations. I regret leaving that out, and it’s a good reminder of the importance of being careful not to judge or impose our value system on others. That said, I truly believe this doesn't represent the majority of cases or reflect how this technology is being used by most parents today who do not face those challenges.
Thank you Robert. I've been preaching this for a while, too. It is a hard battle. One of my NOT-TO-DO-LIST for 2025 is to bring the phone to the bathroom. That is another one that we need to fight. How? As you clearly said, teaching by example!
I don’t disagree and screen time needs to be limited however, this can’t be a one size fits all. There are non verbal children that use iPads for example as communication devices. I would encourage people to not be too hasty to pass judgement if you do happen to see a iPad or device out at a restaurant. I’m sure the parenting shaming will start as soon as I say this but sometimes, we let my special needs son bring his iPad to dinner because he can’t read and happens enjoys audio books. As someone who is autistic, restaurants can be hard for him so listening to a audio book is comforting to him and allows him to still be part of the family experience while my neurotypical daughter usually likes to color or play tic tac toe with us while she waits for her food. I will never forget the day we were in vacation at Disney and went out to eat after because we were all starving. My autistic son kept it together all day but was done sensory wise by the time we went to eat. Listening to his favorite audio books on his iPad at dinner allowed him to eat while not feeling continuously over stimulated. We were met by a woman who felt the need to tell us how unfathomable it was that we let our son have an iPad at dinner….. this was the first vacation where my son had tricks and tools enough to even do a vacation (which also meant it was the first vaca for our neurotypical daughter). All I’m saying is while i don’t disagree with you that screens need limits, please remember you don’t always have the full picture of why that device is out to begin with.
Thanks for posting Bob and for always bringing up such thoughtful conversations.
Thank you for mentioning this, Brianna, as I actually intended to include a line about it in the post. Over the years, I’ve heard from parents whose children face neurodiversity challenges, and I recognize how helpful these tools can be in those situations. I regret leaving that out, and it’s a good reminder of the importance of being careful not to judge or impose our value system on others. That said, I truly believe this doesn't represent the majority of cases or reflect how this technology is being used by most parents today who do not face those challenges.
I agree with you Bob that this probably represents the minority but also agree, we need to be careful about passing judgement. There is just so much we don’t see and even if we think we are seeing the full picture, we may not be. I also had a friend who lost a parent recently and she and her family went to dinner because the idea of cooking a meal that night while she just lost her mother was overwhelming. Her kids are neurotypical high energy 6 and 8 year olds. She let them play on iPads because she just needed some time to just be as she processed the day. For anyone that has lost a close loved one, you are numb right after and I think it’s totally ok to just not want be the parent that has all the things prepared for an out to eat excursion. We just can’t fully understand a decision someone else is making. I too have also seen parents use the screens as what I’m assuming is “babysitters” at restaurants while the parents down the drinks and look at their own screens. On the surface, I probably would say they are not using that opportunity appropriately but again, you just never know :)
Appreciate the post very much. There are lots of ways we are irresponsibly using technology which I think is part of your point (and one that I agree with) but I would hate for people to misinterpret and make hasty judgements (like my own experience mentioned above) when screens are being used in places like a restaurant. Reality is, we just don’t know that person/families story is.
Agreed...and even more tragic is when I see couples, at the dinner table in a restaurant completely engrossed in their respective phones with absolutely no conversation, eye contact or engagement between them. Screams volumes and is disheartening to watch. When the meal comes and they're forced to put down the phone, presenting a perfect opportunity to reconnect with each other-they don't. They pick up their forks and begin to eat, with little to no engagement. And this scene is not a singular incident with just this couple. It's played out repeatedly with others. Our phones have become the perfect and convenient escape from dealing with boredom, hostility, resentment and overall 'brokenness' in our relationships.
When I first saw this in an airport, a few years ago, I almost went up to the father and said--get off your phone and tell your son to do the same. All that time together and they weren't even interacting. In the blink of an eye, your son will be out of the house and have little time for you. Plus...Small children glued to screens--ouch. The worst kind of parenting I can imagine.
Very important and very useful.
Everyone including the author Robert should be careful to judge. As a parent of a child with Autism the only way my wife and I can go out to dinner with him is to allow the iPad and headphones. It’s our time together out at a family friendly restaurant. The judgmental looks from people like the author and other people without asking why is what hurts the most. So maybe next time instead of assuming perhaps be more understanding. You never know what someone else is going through. Which being a faithful reader of this author I believe he has wrote about also.
Thank you for mentioning this, Greg, as I actually intended to include a line about it in the post. Over the years, I’ve heard from parents whose children face neurodiversity challenges, and I recognize how helpful these tools can be in those situations. I regret leaving that out, and it’s a good reminder of the importance of being careful not to judge or impose our value system on others. That said, I truly believe this doesn't represent the majority of cases or reflect how this technology is being used by most parents today who do not face those challenges.
Thank you Robert. I've been preaching this for a while, too. It is a hard battle. One of my NOT-TO-DO-LIST for 2025 is to bring the phone to the bathroom. That is another one that we need to fight. How? As you clearly said, teaching by example!
I don’t disagree and screen time needs to be limited however, this can’t be a one size fits all. There are non verbal children that use iPads for example as communication devices. I would encourage people to not be too hasty to pass judgement if you do happen to see a iPad or device out at a restaurant. I’m sure the parenting shaming will start as soon as I say this but sometimes, we let my special needs son bring his iPad to dinner because he can’t read and happens enjoys audio books. As someone who is autistic, restaurants can be hard for him so listening to a audio book is comforting to him and allows him to still be part of the family experience while my neurotypical daughter usually likes to color or play tic tac toe with us while she waits for her food. I will never forget the day we were in vacation at Disney and went out to eat after because we were all starving. My autistic son kept it together all day but was done sensory wise by the time we went to eat. Listening to his favorite audio books on his iPad at dinner allowed him to eat while not feeling continuously over stimulated. We were met by a woman who felt the need to tell us how unfathomable it was that we let our son have an iPad at dinner….. this was the first vacation where my son had tricks and tools enough to even do a vacation (which also meant it was the first vaca for our neurotypical daughter). All I’m saying is while i don’t disagree with you that screens need limits, please remember you don’t always have the full picture of why that device is out to begin with.
Thanks for posting Bob and for always bringing up such thoughtful conversations.
Thank you for mentioning this, Brianna, as I actually intended to include a line about it in the post. Over the years, I’ve heard from parents whose children face neurodiversity challenges, and I recognize how helpful these tools can be in those situations. I regret leaving that out, and it’s a good reminder of the importance of being careful not to judge or impose our value system on others. That said, I truly believe this doesn't represent the majority of cases or reflect how this technology is being used by most parents today who do not face those challenges.
I agree with you Bob that this probably represents the minority but also agree, we need to be careful about passing judgement. There is just so much we don’t see and even if we think we are seeing the full picture, we may not be. I also had a friend who lost a parent recently and she and her family went to dinner because the idea of cooking a meal that night while she just lost her mother was overwhelming. Her kids are neurotypical high energy 6 and 8 year olds. She let them play on iPads because she just needed some time to just be as she processed the day. For anyone that has lost a close loved one, you are numb right after and I think it’s totally ok to just not want be the parent that has all the things prepared for an out to eat excursion. We just can’t fully understand a decision someone else is making. I too have also seen parents use the screens as what I’m assuming is “babysitters” at restaurants while the parents down the drinks and look at their own screens. On the surface, I probably would say they are not using that opportunity appropriately but again, you just never know :)
Appreciate the post very much. There are lots of ways we are irresponsibly using technology which I think is part of your point (and one that I agree with) but I would hate for people to misinterpret and make hasty judgements (like my own experience mentioned above) when screens are being used in places like a restaurant. Reality is, we just don’t know that person/families story is.
Well said, Robert, and it needs repetition.
Agreed...and even more tragic is when I see couples, at the dinner table in a restaurant completely engrossed in their respective phones with absolutely no conversation, eye contact or engagement between them. Screams volumes and is disheartening to watch. When the meal comes and they're forced to put down the phone, presenting a perfect opportunity to reconnect with each other-they don't. They pick up their forks and begin to eat, with little to no engagement. And this scene is not a singular incident with just this couple. It's played out repeatedly with others. Our phones have become the perfect and convenient escape from dealing with boredom, hostility, resentment and overall 'brokenness' in our relationships.
Robert, When you're right, you're right
"Social media and screen time are training wheels for anxiety and depression.” - Jonathan Haidt
Thank you for modeling leadership.