Friday Forward - Uncomfortably Safe (#447)
In a world that increasingly prioritizes comfort, it’s important to remember that choosing to be comfortable all the time also has consequences.
When you think about the inventions that have significantly impacted your life, a few likely come to mind: electricity, air conditioning, the computer, and the automobile. But there’s another invention you’d probably never think of that is nearly as important to me.
That invention is the Smart Belay, developed by the German safety technology company Bornack.
The Smart Belay features a mechanism with two separate clips that only allows one of two locks to be opened at a time—when you unlock one, the other automatically is locked. This innovation made it impossible for users to accidentally detach themselves from a safety harness, revolutionizing self-guided obstacle courses. Kids and adults could suddenly tackle these courses independently, without the need for a guide.
I’m exaggerating a bit when I say the Smart Belay is as important as electricity and the computer, but hear me out.
The Smart Belay began appearing on these ropes courses about seven or eight years ago in the US, right when my kids reached the age where they could explore their limits through adventure sports. We visited these courses frequently, and they did wonders for my children’s sense of independence and confidence to push themselves outside their comfort zones.
For example, there were times when one of my children would get frustrated or scared at a certain part of the course, calling for me to help them. Because of the Smart Belay, I could calmly explain that they were not in danger and just needed to take a deep breath before moving forward. While I might have shown or talked them through what they needed to do, I tried to avoid jumping at the chance to “save them” from the challenging situation, even when other parents glared at me disapprovingly.
I believe these experiences were transformative for my kids and for me. They had the opportunity to show themselves their mettle by struggling through a challenge that was uncomfortable, but still safe. Likewise, I benefited by learning to resist the urge to intervene while I watched my kids struggle, as I knew they were safe, even if they had a few scrapes or bruises.
Today, especially in the aftermath of the pandemic, there’s a troubling tendency to conflate discomfort with danger. We’ve become too focused on avoiding anything that might cause unease or anxiety, and in the process, we’ve lost sight of the fact that a situation can be uncomfortable without being unsafe. The reality is true growth happens at the edge of comfort, or just beyond it, not within it.
Imagine a two-by-two matrix where one axis is comfort, and the other is safety. Right now, too many of us live our whole lives in the safe, comfortable quadrant. However, we should strive to spend as much time as possible in the safe, uncomfortable quadrant, as the Smart Belay allows us to do. This is the Magic Quadrant, where resilience is built and we discover our true capabilities. This is the quadrant I’ve tried to live in and encouraged my kids to explore as well.
Here are some examples of activities that fall into this category:
Speaking publicly.
Exploring an unfamiliar place without a map or directions.
Sharing a hotel room with a colleague or friend you don’t know well.
Trying new food, especially something from a different culture.
Attending an event alone.
Doing something spontaneous without planning.
Starting your day with a freezing cold shower
Saying yes to something you would normally avoid.
Asking someone out whom you've been interested in for a while.
Like navigating an obstacle course with the Smart Belay, these activities may cause discomfort, but they carry no real risk of long-lasting harm. These options offer golden opportunities to build resilience and boost your emotional capacity, which pays dividends in all facets of life.
In a world that increasingly prioritizes comfort, it’s important to remember that choosing to be comfortable all the time also has consequences, even if you can’t see them right away. If we want to build our emotional capacity and resilience, we must regularly step into that Magic Quadrant where discomfort meets safety.
If you haven’t tried a Smart Belay obstacle course, I urge you to do it. It’s just as powerful a metaphor for adults as it is for kids.
Quote of The Week
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” - Neale Donald Walsch
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An important lesson.
At the end of the day is always about balance