Friday Forward - Conspicuous Connection (#460)

Spare time this holiday week for the people who matter most.

Thanksgiving week is one of my favorite times of the year—in the US, it’s a time for rest, family and connection. It’s particularly meaningful for me now that two of my kids are in college; this week is one of the increasingly rare times when we have all our kids under one roof.

Thanksgiving week has also become synonymous with Black Friday and the rise of consumerism—particularly in the US, but in other countries as well. I’ll admit there are a few items on my list I’ve been waiting to snag at a discount, and I plan to take advantage of some great sales this week.

The good news is that most of us no longer need to sleep outside in tents or fight through crowds at 4 a.m. to secure those “doorbuster” deals. Thanks to online shopping, we can now browse discounts from the comfort of our homes. However, the growing focus on shopping and consumption during this holiday week overshadows its original intent. As I prepare to check a few items off my list, I’m under no illusion that these purchases will profoundly change my life—or even bring me much happiness in the long run.

This time of year, it’s key to be mindful of the hedonic treadmill. We adapt quickly to the joy brought by new possessions or accomplishments, and our baseline level of happiness soon returns to where it was before that event. While that shiny new gadget or addition to our wardrobe may give us a momentary shot of dopamine, it is not likely to sustain lasting fulfillment. Before long, that exciting purchase will become just another thing in your home, or even something you give away.

Consumption doesn’t bring lasting happiness. What does, however, is the quality of our relationships. Two famous Harvard studies (collectively labeled the Grant and Glueck Study) tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two populations over a period of 75 years. They concluded that the depth and quality of participants’ relationships was the greatest determinant of their happiness and health as they aged—not their wealth, achievements, or possessions. Many other researchers have reached this same conclusion.

So, while it’s fine to spring for that Black Friday deal, don’t let your purchases be the highlight of your week. This Black Friday, think about how you might use this time to connect with others. If you want to go shopping, bring along a friend or loved one and make it a social activity. Or better yet, make those purchases quickly—perhaps online—and use the rest of the day to spend quality time with family, or old friends who you don’t see often who might be home for only this week. In contrast to the short high of a purchase, the warmth of a great day spent with someone you care about doesn’t fade away.

As the holiday season approaches, remember that lasting fulfillment isn’t something you can buy—no matter how discounted it is. It’s something you build with the people who matter most. If you're seeking lasting happiness, focus on making the holidays a time to connect, not a time to accumulate.

Quote of The Week

"The best things in life aren’t things.” - Art Buchwald