TBL: My Five Golden Rules For Networking

Networking done right isn’t transactional: it’s a long game. Here are five best practices to rely on.

A few weeks ago, someone asked me about my approach to networking because I’ve made several useful connections for them.

It’s a question I’ve gotten a lot over the years, which made me reflect on what’s shaped my relationship building approach and how I might codify it.

My networking philosophy has been shaped most by two books: Keith Ferrazzi’s Never Eat Alone and Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. Both taught me that true networking is about creating value for others, not collecting business cards or cashing in favors.

Here are the principles that have guided me for years.

1. Give First
We all know that former colleague who reaches out after ten years to grab lunch. 99% of the time, they are looking for a job. That’s not networking.

You have to invest in your network before you need it. Share useful resources, make valuable mutual introductions or just check in without an agenda. People can tell instantly when someone shows up only to take.

Personally, I haven’t looked for a job in over twenty years. Not surprisingly, I am not really enthusiastic about playing unpaid recruiter for people who appear out of nowhere because they need a job. However, if someone who has worked to maintain a relationship with me reaches out, I’m much more inclined to help.

2. Don’t Use Your Network as Currency
A few years ago, a childhood friend I had lost contact with reached out to ask for my help in finding an internship for their family friend. I politely declined, but when he persisted, I became curious about his motivation. Eventually, I discovered the job hunter’s father had helped him find his first job many years ago, and he was trying to return the favor.

In other words, my friend owed someone a favor, and he wanted my help to fulfill his obligation. As you can imagine, I had very little interest in dedicating time and energy to an entry level job search for someone I didn’t know, at the behest of someone I hadn’t talked to in 20 years.

Don’t use your network to pay off your debts.

3. Use the Double Opt-In

If a friend needs a real estate attorney and you know one, that’s an easy win-win intro.