Friday Friday - The Big Three (#505)

The three most important choices we all must make

Over the past few months, I’ve written often about core values in this space; what they are, how we define them, and their role in shaping our decisions. That wasn’t a coincidence.

On Tuesday, my new book on values, The Compass Within, officially launches. While I have mentioned the book and its themes in passing, I haven’t shared the what or why behind this book until today.

The Compass Within is not a traditional business or self-help book. It’s a parable: a fictional story that gives readers a narrative lens they can use to reflect on their own lives. I chose this format not only to push me out of my comfort zone as a writer, but also because I felt it was the best way to illustrate core values in an actionable, behavioral way. This approach shows readers how core values can impact their lives in a way a traditional book never could.

Over the years, I’ve learned that people rarely change simply because they’re told to. In many cases, we only change when an experience holds a mirror up to something that we want to be different about ourselves. Stories force this introspection in a more natural way.

I’ve shared advance copies of The Compass Within with many people over the past six months, and so many readers have noted that the story prompts that type of reflection. Over and over, I’ve heard comments like “this was me five years ago,” or “this is me now.”

The Compass Within follows a young professional named Jamie who seems to have life figured out: an accelerated career path, a long-term relationship, and a comfortable place to live. But despite these markers of success, Jamie feels a growing unease that prompts him to question the biggest decisions in his life.

Specifically, Jamie is grappling with three core choices we all make. These decisions, more than anything else, define the quality and trajectory of our lives. It’s a framework I call The Big Three:

• Partner: Who you choose to build your life with (if you choose a partner at all).

• Vocation: The work you dedicate your energy and time to.

• Community: Where you choose to live and the people you surround yourself with.

No matter how successful things might look on the surface, you’ll feel unsettled if even one of your Big Three is misaligned. It’s like sitting in a chair that is not quite comfortable or hearing your car scrape a curb as you drive. If two or three are out of alignment, you’ll feel pretty unmoored.

There is no single ‘right’ path to getting the Big Three decisions right. But these decisions have little chance of success without a crucial tool that most people are missing: a clear understanding of their core values that serves as their compass in life.

And here’s the hard truth: the longer you ignore misalignment in the Big Three, the more unbearable it gets. You can try to rationalize it or bury it, but the pain doesn’t go away. Eventually, it forces your hand, often in ways you don’t expect, with harmful fallout.

Jamie’s story is not a how-to manual. It’s a mirror that helps you find your own definition of a meaningful life and pursue it. And once the story ends, The Compass Within shares the same discovery framework that Jamie uses in the book to make his big three decisions, so you can begin to do the same work for yourself.

The Compass Within doesn’t give quick fixes. It brings awareness of what matters most. It’s a reminder that external pressures—the desire for status or approval—can pull us away from what really matters, and that life feels much more fulfilling when you begin to reject those extrinsic factors and realign around what’s most important most TO YOU.

If you’ve ever felt like something in your life was just a little off—or if you’re facing a big decision and aren’t sure what to do—the framework in this book will get you on track. You’ve had your compass all along; I believe this book will teach you how to read it.

Quote of The Week

“When values are clear, decisions are easy.” – Roy E. Disney