Friday Forward - The Game (#496)
Are you playing a game without learning and embracing the rules?
Earlier this year, someone close to me was grappling with a decision. They really wanted the outcome being offered, but the path to get there required doing things they weren’t particularly excited about.
My advice was this: “You don’t have to play the game. But if you choose to play, learn the rules, and play to win.”
This advice points to a nuanced reality of life: there is rarely an objectively right or wrong path. However, it’s important to understand what you are signing up for when you make a decision and be willing to commit to everything required to make your chosen course successful.
Humans are wired to learn and navigate systems. From a young age, we observe patterns—what gets rewarded, what gets punished, what earns status, and what invites scrutiny. Whether it’s the workplace, school, sports, or even social media, every environment has an unspoken set of expectations and incentives. Each often has its own game that it invites you to play.
But here’s the thing: not all games are worth playing, and cultural expectations can’t tell you what games are worth your time and effort.
Get into an Ivy League school. Work 80-hour weeks at a prestigious firm. Chase followers. Accumulate things. For some, these paths are deeply fulfilling; for others, they feel hollow. I have deep respect for those who choose not to pursue these games, especially when refusing to play goes against the grain of their community. That choice requires clarity and courage.
At the same time, I have less sympathy for people who choose to play a certain game but refuse to learn how it works, then act surprised when things don’t go their way. If you decide to run a marathon, you can’t complain about early morning training or restricting your diet. If you want to be a successful entrepreneur, you can’t skip the grind of fundraising, hiring, or managing cash flow just because it’s uncomfortable. And if you want to climb the corporate ladder, pretending that office politics don’t matter or the culture should bend to your preferences won’t get you very far.
It’s one thing to reject the rules of a game intentionally and decide not to play; it’s another thing to think the rules don’t apply to you and wonder why you’re not winning. Too often, I think we fall in the middle: we say we don’t care about a certain outcome, but our actions and disappointment suggest otherwise. We aren’t honest with ourselves about what we truly want, or we genuinely don’t know.
This is where clarity matters. If you want to opt out, do so intentionally, and accept that you won’t get the shiny prize the game offers. But if you play the game, you should lean in fully, embrace the competition, and be honest with yourself about what’s required to win, and what winning brings you. Even the most enlightened yoga teacher knows that if they want a spot at the best studio, inner peace won’t get them the job. Only preparation, performance, and competitive spirit can do that.
Being strategic within a system doesn’t mean that you are selling out. There’s always a way to compete with integrity and be aware of the rules without becoming defined by them. Some of the most impactful people I know have mastered their games well enough to earn the chance to change the rules for the better.
It’s worth asking yourself if there is a game in your life or work that you’re playing right now and have you truly learned or embraced the rules?
Quote of The Week
“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” – Albert Einstein
Have a great weekend!
-Bob
robertglazer.com
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If we are in a game play honorably following rules and ethics . Compete without corrupting your character .
This brought to mind for me a quote from Cy Wakeman, "Stay in joy or leave in peace. There is no third option." I use this quote a lot in coaching and teaching leadership skills to corporate employees. It's not a valid option to stay in the game with grievance, anger, or self-righteousness. That's like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies.
It's important to note that "joy" can be the joy of working to change things for the better. But again, this cannot be done from a place of grievance, it can only be done with a spirit of "invitation to better" and from a place of humility, curiosity, empathy, and belief in others. Everyone gets to have bad moments or bad days, but if you cannot say you are playing (or changing) the game with joy, it's time to go. No third option.