Friday Forward - Say Anything (#484)

Your values tell you when to speak up

Each week, when I hit “send” on Friday Forward, I never know how it will be received.

Some notes that feel especially powerful to me seem to barely register. Some posts I expect will get minimal response really resonate. Occasionally, I hesitate to send one at all due to my uncertainty over how it might come across or if it’s worth sharing at all.

Last week’s Friday Forward, Post & Ghost, was in the latter two categories. It was a reflection on two frustrating email exchanges and a broader trend I’ve noticed: the rise of post-and-ghost behavior and the decline of digital civility. I debated whether it would seem too petty or small to be worth sending but decided to publish it in the end.

Clearly, something about it struck a chord. To my surprise, I received more responses to that post than almost any I’ve written in years. I got over 100 thoughtful replies, personal stories, and thank-yous from readers, and not a single negative response, which is rare anywhere online these days.

That reaction reminded me of something simple but important: if you really believe something, say it.

Too often, we stay silent about our beliefs. We wonder why no one else is speaking up or we worry we’re the only one who feels a certain way. We second-guess ourselves, worrying we’ll offend or be seen as stupid.

I thought last week’s post was something only I cared enough about to write. But it’s clear many readers have been quietly feeling the same way and were just waiting for someone to say it out loud.

This is where knowing your values makes all the difference.

When something crosses a deeply held value, speaking up can feel less like a decision and more like a reflex. Last week’s post related to one of my values: respectful authenticity. In both situations I described that value had been clearly violated.

A similar thing happened last year at one of my son’s high school soccer games. Our team was down 3–1, in what had mostly been a clean, well-played match. But there was a notable exception: one player on the opposing team kept taunting our players and calling out their mistakes. It was mean-spirited and taunting. He seemed more interested in humiliating people than playing the game.

Finally, near the sideline where I was sitting, that player made another derisive comment to one of our players who had just kicked the ball out of bounds. And while I am not at all the type of parent who gets emotional or angry at my kids’ sporting events, I snapped. Without thinking, I called out: “Hey, 11, stop being such an #$%#% and just play the game.”

It was completely out of character, and I also instantly regretted my choice of language. Several parents turned toward me, not to admonish or reprimand, but in quiet agreement. Some offered a soft thank you. Others gave a look that said, "Finally." I had just said what many were thinking—the opposing player was being a bully for no good reason. And the player’s behavior changed when someone called him on it.

I wouldn’t handle that situation the same way again and I definitely should have picked different words, but I do not regret saying something. His behavior crossed the line of respect and sportsmanship, the coaches and referees had failed to address it, and his actions were escalating. That moment reminded me how reflexive our reactions can be when our values are crossed.

That’s why being grounded in your values matters: it gives you a compass. It helps you recognize what feels off and gives you the clarity to speak up, even when no one else does.

When you’re clear on what matters most, you don’t need anyone’s permission to speak. You already have it. This is why my next book, The Compass Within, is specifically written to guide readers to find their own core values and to live according to those principles.

It’s not always easy to say something. But it becomes much easier when your words are rooted in what you believe. And if last week’s note was any indication, more people are hungry for that kind of clarity and honesty in how we communicate and show up in the world.

Sometimes, all it takes is one person to say what others have been thinking all along. If you’ve been holding something back, consider this your invitation.

Quote of The Week

“Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” – Maggie Kuhn

Have a great weekend!

-Bob
robertglazer.com

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