Small Annoyances (#421)
It’s fine to believe you are right, but that doesn’t mean you need everything to always go your way.
Last Saturday, my son and I were boarding a flight to Boston at the end of a vacation. During the flight, I was looking forward to continuing a lively discussion we’d had for the previous hour on the way to the airport.
We had chosen our reserved seats months ago, deciding to each sit on the aisle across from each other. There is an unspoken rule among frequent flyers: you should only ask someone to change seats with you if they are flying alone and you are offering a seat that is better or the same—for example, trading an aisle for an aisle, a window for a window or offering an aisle seat and taking the middle seat in return.
This unspoken rule has become more relevant in recent years, as paid or premium seat upgrades have made seat trading more complicated. Everyone has their own preferences and can select accordingly as part of their purchase; many discount tickets intentionally exclude preassigned seating. Plane seat selection has become akin to buying tickets to a concert or sporting event, where it would be very awkward to ask to change seats as it’s understood that you purchased a specific seat and paid accordingly.
On our flight last week this unspoken rule was put to the test. As it happened, there was a family that was separated in the seating process—two young kids were sitting to my son’s left, their mother and another younger child were in the row in front of them, and their father was seated in the window seat two seats over from me.
The father, thinking that my son was traveling alone, asked him to switch seats with him with his window seat on my side so that he could sit with the two boys , meaning there would be someone in between us as well.
Upon hearing the father asking my son to switch, I jumped in to clarify that my son and I were traveling together. While the father was very nice about it and said it would be fine either way, he did not withdraw his request upon realizing that he was asking us to separate. I told my son it was his choice—he seemed reluctant, but as a thoughtful kid he did what he felt was right and switched seats with the father.
For my part, I was annoyed that the father even asked; as he was essentially asking us to split up so he could be with his kids. I also couldn’t help but wonder whether he had accepted free upgraded seats to Comfort-Plus knowing that his family would not be together, which he could have declined.
I stewed about this for the first hour of the flight. Eventually, I realized it just wasn’t worth it to stay annoyed.
While I still believed the father should have withdrawn his request to switch once he realized my son and I were traveling together, it was an opportunity to make a small sacrifice for someone else’s benefit.
And of course, maybe the seating separation wasn’t the father’s fault. For all I know, the airline messed up his seats, or cancelled his flight and moved him onto ours. Plus, my son is 18, and the father’s kids looked much younger—around 8 or 10.
Rather than continuing to feel frustrated, I accepted that my son had done a nice thing that didn’t really cost us that much. This was validated when the father thanked my son again for switching seats as we exited the plane.
In the end, I wasted an hour of my life being annoyed at the end of a great week of quality time with my son. The situation was a reminder that some battles just aren’t worth fighting and most minor annoyances aren’t worth getting worked up over. It’s fine to believe you are right, but that doesn’t mean you need everything to always go your way.
When small annoyances crop up, it’s often best to keep perspective, choose kindness, and move forward.
Quote of The Week
“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn't measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It's not winning battles that makes you happy, but it's how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction.” - C Joybell C
Have a great weekend!
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I was on a flight recently where two parents sat together and their two kids sat in the row in front of them. Each row was three seats. When the flight attendant figured it out and realized the man with the two kids was a stranger she made the parents rearrange, so they each had a child within reach (kids were probably 8 and 10). The parents asked why, and she said in an emergency situation the kids wouldn’t be able to reach the oxygen masks, and would pass out within four seconds. She then asked if they wanted to leave those four seconds in the hands of a stranger, and the parents quickly got up. Sharing to say your son made a polite but also a potentially safety minded choice!
This story about your reaction and your conclusion sounds like a description of fundamental attribution error. A good thing for us all to be cognizant of.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/fundamental-attribution-error