Friday Forward - Setting Tone (#510)

People don’t just follow a leader’s words. They follow their tone

Several years ago, my family was stuck at the Charlotte airport during a layover on our way home from vacation. Our connecting flight to Boston was badly delayed due to a maintenance issue, and by midnight, dozens of exhausted passengers were trying to sleep upright in the airport terminal.

Around 1am, a plane finally arrived to take us home. But when the gate agent stepped up to the microphone, instead of offering support or an apology, she led with what sounded like a threat. The crew was close to timing out, she said, and if we didn’t follow her instructions exactly and board in a quick, orderly fashion, we’d be stuck until morning.

This was the worst possible tone to take. The tension that had been building for hours erupted and there was almost a physical altercation, with one passenger screaming at the woman for essentially threatening tired passengers who had done nothing wrong. The agent’s misguided approach had made a bad situation so much worse, and while the flight made it out, it was only after a lot of unnecessary strife.

That experience came to mind this past weekend during another flight to Boston. Though we boarded on time, our departure was soon delayed due to weather and FAA restrictions related to the United States government shutdown. It seemed we were in for another long night.

Right before the cabin doors closed, the Delta pilot walked out and introduced himself to the passengers. Calm and composed, he delivered a message very close to this:

“I want to be honest with you. We’ve got a mess of weather and air traffic issues right now. They just told me we’re now scheduled to leave in six hours. That’s a problem, because I time out before then and can’t legally fly the plane. We’re working hard on alternatives, and I promise to keep you updated and tell you the truth and appreciate your patience.”

Nobody loved that news, but the atmosphere in the cabin notably shifted. The captain’s tone was straightforward and respectful. He treated us like adults and left us feeling he was doing his best in a tough situation. He came back with regular updates, stayed visible, kept things light when appropriate, and never overpromised.

About 90 minutes after his first announcement, the pilot finally had good news for us: he’d received approval for a longer flight path around the airspace that was shut down. We’d be departing shortly.

The plane erupted in applause.

Several hours later, as we landed, a flight attendant announced that 16 passengers had only 12 minutes to catch their connecting flight to Europe and asked everyone else to please remain seated. To my surprise, the entire cabin complied with this request. People passed bags forward, cheered the group on as they hustled out, and then helped each other get their own luggage. No one seized the opportunity to cut the line or surge ahead the moment space opened up. Everyone waited their turn and exited in an orderly respectful fashion

These two experiences, years apart, provide a key lesson. The tone a leader sets has a massive impact on the situation.

In Charlotte, the gate agent made no attempt to build rapport with passengers, but instead demanded their compliance in a sharp, contentious tone. In contrast, the pilot on my flight last weekend established rapport, showed empathy, and made us feel that we were all in it together. Because he treated the passengers with empathy and respect, those passengers offered the same to the pilot, and to each other.

Regardless of whether they’re facing a frustrating inconvenience or a full-blown crisis, people take emotional cues from the person in charge. When a leader brings calm, clarity and composure, others tend to mirror that. When they lead with fear or hostility, they usually get resistance in return.

People don’t just follow their leaders’ words. They follow their tone. The right disposition won’t fix a delay or solve every problem, but building rapport goes a long way to create space for cooperation. And this is often what gets everyone where they need to go, both literally and figuratively.

Quote of The Week

“Rapport is the ultimate tool for producing results with other people.” – Richard Branson

Have a great weekend!

-Bob
robertglazer.com

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