Friday Forward – Building Rapport (#547)
When policies say no, people can still say yes
My laptop had been on its last legs for weeks, and three keys, including the letter E, no longer functioned. I ordered a new one and stayed home last Friday to sign for the package during the promised delivery window.
But near the end of that window, a tracking update informed me that the laptop was still in Kentucky and would not arrive until Monday. I was set to leave town Monday for a business trip, without a working laptop.
On Saturday morning, I learned the laptop had reached my local UPS distribution center, just 12 minutes from my house. I looked it up and learned it was not open to customers. But given it was only 12 minutes away, I figured it was worth trying anyway.
When I arrived, it was clear there was no customer entrance. Instead of going home, I headed to the employee security gate to plead my case to the guard. I told him about my dying computer, the delay, my upcoming trip, and the fact that the box I needed was somewhere in the facility.
The guard was sympathetic and cordial. However, he told me there was nothing he could do because only employees could enter the space. He suggested I try a local UPS Store, which sounded like a long shot.
That could have been the end of it. Instead, I kept the conversation going just in case building some rapport might create a new opening.
A few minutes later, a worker on his way out from the night shift overheard us, stopped, and offered to walk me into the building to meet the ops supervisor. The guard said that would be fine, so I walked in. Once I met the ops supervisor, it only took 10 minutes for him to enter the warehouse and return with my laptop.
I was thrilled.
On the way out, the guard told me that the night shift worker who escorted me in, Eddie, was actually the one who found my package. I managed to find Eddie in the parking lot, giving me the chance to shake his hand and thank him. He said he was happy to help.
When the guard told me he couldn’t let me enter, his answer was accurate as policy. But every policy has people working within it, and those people have more discretion than the policy admits.
Too often we approach these moments the other way. We escalate, insisting we were wronged and demanding accommodation. We hope that airing our grievances will leverage people into helping us. However, this can have the opposite effect.
This experience reminded me that what often works is showing up as a person, not a complaint. I didn’t go to the security gate to share my frustration. I just wanted to share my story, hope for some kindness in return, and see if someone would be willing to go the extra mile to help me out.
That’s one lesson. Another is this: if you are not willing to ask, the answer is always no. I knew trying to get into a distribution center on a Saturday was a long shot, but I did it anyway. When the guard told me it was not going to happen, my honest reaction was “challenge accepted,” a nod to one of my favorite TV shows, How I Met Your Mother.
None of this is a guarantee for success. There will be many cases where you will be patient, pleasant and persistent, and the person in front of you simply will not have the authority or desire to help. But rapport can frequently be what turns your problem into something a person might want to help you solve.
My new laptop was set up within an hour and joined me on my trip the next week. It only happened because people decided I was worth helping.
The next time a policy tells you no, skip the escalation and try to build some rapport. Often the answer will still be no, but you will have given someone a reason to help you, and that is all you can control.
Quote of the Week
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker
Have a great weekend,
-Bob
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I have had this experience many times, but in my case, it was as a classroom teacher.
One of the best bits of advice I received in those early days of teaching: introduce yourself and follow each day saying hello to the school secretary and the janitor. You should know them by first name.
This practice not only benefited me as a young teacher, but continues to serve me at my current role. The Porter, Mr. Edward, and I are buddies. Each morning we say 'Good morning, how are you?' and we look out for one another, support one another in any way we can to make each of our individual roles effective for the good of the non-profit.
It's good to share your stories to remind people that our conduct ísalways recorded with or without covetousness . Building trust is hard when such greed includes power struggle. I find it difficult to trust people now by life experienced. But we can still behave as good humans eveb in times of war. Emulate good conduct.