Friday Forward - Best Truth (#515)
There is a big difference between putting polish on a story and contradicting the facts
At times in life, we have the unpleasant responsibility of delivering bad news. For leaders, this comes with the territory and does not necessarily get easier with experience.
A few weeks ago, a CEO asked me for advice on how to handle a sensitive issue. At the core of the question was this dilemma: How do you share the truth when it might create unnecessary pain or confusion?
In that moment, I repeated a simple mantra I shared with my team regularly during my time as CEO, as well as with friends and family:
“There is always a best version of the truth.”
You can tell the person what they need to know without revealing all the brutal details. A key step of communication is deciding how to frame the message and determining what facts can be left unsaid, to avoid unnecessary pain or protect details that should remain private. This presents the hard truth in the best light possible, without obscuring the essential facts.
Notably, this approach is very different from telling a white lie. A white lie is, by definition, a falsehood. It is typically offered with good intentions, such as sparing someone’s feelings, but it often creates bigger problems later. When the white lie eventually finds daylight—and these revelations are often inevitable—it undermines a leader’s credibility.
For example, imagine an employee named Mary is let go due to misconduct. In most cases, the details of this dismissal really should be private, especially if that poor behavior harmed another employee. Here are two hypothetical ways leadership might announce this news:
The White Lie: “Mary found a great new opportunity which starts right away. We wish her the best of luck.”
The Best Version of the Truth: “We discovered that Mary behaved in a way that’s incompatible with our stated values. We won’t get into the details, but we made the difficult decision that it was best for her to move on sooner rather than later.”
The white lie feels easier in the moment. But once the rumor mill starts turning and the reason for Mary’s departure is revealed, that white lie becomes a trust issue. People start wondering what else is being hidden from them.
In contrast, the best version of the truth is not misleading. It may be incomplete, but if employees learn the full details behind Mary’s departure, those facts will not be incompatible with what was already said.
That is the key distinction. Any lie, no matter how small or well intentioned, is incompatible with the truth. But the best version of the truth is simply the synopsis of a longer story that does not need to be shared at the time. That short version is not invalidated if the rest of the story unfolds.
This principle also applies in many personal situations. Imagine a couple cancels a planned vacation because one parent is about to lose their job.
When the kids ask why, a white lie would be: “We decided we didn’t really want to go to Disney World.”
The best version of the truth would be: “It’s a very expensive trip and ended up being more than we want to spend right now”
Both answers aim to protect the kids, but the former will result in distrust or tough questions when the job loss is revealed. The latter will build trust by showing that the parents were being honest, and even a little vulnerable.
Telling the best version of the truth means sharing something that is honest, that respects someone’s intelligence, and that will still be true tomorrow. It does not mean sharing every single detail. This approach is particularly important in leadership, where reputations take years to build but can be damaged with a single poor decision or answer.
There is a big difference between putting polish on a story and contradicting the facts. When we choose to lead with vulnerability and truth, even in difficult moments, we reinforce the kind of trust that strengthens teams, relationships and families. But when we choose to lie, even if it’s a white lie, we end up compounding the problem and having to dig out of a hole.
Where in your life or leadership could you shift from softening the truth to simply telling the best version of it?
Quote of The Week
“What you do not know about yourself, someone else does.” – Unknown
Have a great weekend!
-Bob
robertglazer.com
New From Premium
Thank you, Bob. Putting a gloss on unpleasant news doesn't do either you or the listener any favors. What's often missing is kindness versus bluntness. As I get older, I've found this especially true in matters of health--people know that a loved one is declining and continue to gloss over that and use white lies to cover it. You can be kind and still tell the whole truth.
Oh how perfect. The timing is spot on and well said Bob.
Thank you for this.